Fruits and vegetables are not the same. Don't call a fruit, a vegetable. | Pixabay
The word produce is synonymous with fruits and vegetables, but don’t call one the other that it is not. Sometime ago, I found that out the hard way. Believe me. Let me explain.
When you go to the grocery store, and you are mindfully wandering through the produce department, you see that everything is on their shelves in orderly, and neatly stacked rows. The men and women who work these departments take pride in the fashion they present their fruits and vegetables to you, the customer.
To put this story into perspective, do you remember the movies "Night at the Museum?" After hours the exhibits all come to life in the museum, and with them, their distinct personalities. It is no different in the grocery store. I can’t speak for the meat or dairy departments, but I know from firsthand experience that this is the case in the produce department.
I haven’t told this to anyone, ever. When I was a teenager, I had a job as a night stocker at our local grocery store. I was never usually the last one out of the store after our shift, but on this one night, I was. It was right up in the top three nights of my life I will never forget. This was the night that I stopped eating vegetables, and never told my kids to eat theirs either.
“Good night Charlie. You lock up, OK? I have to get going, I appreciate this. Something tells me you will too,” said Earnie, the night shift supervisor, tossing me the keys to the back door of the store. I didn’t mind really. It wasn’t like I had a hot date or anything that night. It was Tuesday. No one went out on Tuesday.
I just finished putting the boxes of carrots away in the walk-in freezer when I thought I heard something. It sounded like it came from out on the store floor. A voice, I thought. But that couldn’t be, everyone was gone. I went out through the thick plastic doors leading from the back to the store floor, and just about fainted. I think I may have almost peed my pants. The shelves, the bins and racks were all moving. I mean what was on them was moving. The cucumbers, lettuce, radishes and apples were all moving and talking to one another. It was impossible, but it was happening.
I turned around to run back into the storage area, “Hey you!” a voice yelled out, and all the other voices stopped. I slowly turned around, and whispered, “Me?” I had never been so scared in my life.
“Yeah, you! What’s your name? Where’s Ernie?”
Without hesitating to think that this was wrong, I answered the grumpy pepper. “I’m Charlie, and Ernie had to leave,” I said shaking.
“Look! The kid’s shaking like a leaf!” said a head of lettuce, laughing at me.
That did it. Then I thought of what Ernie said, that this could be good for me too. I stopped thinking about how or why this was happening, and went out to the middle of the floor, and the produce started to come around me. It was sort of like when you go to the pound for a puppy, and all of the ones there are vying for your attention.
“Listen, kid. We don’t usually do this, you know show ourselves like this, but we thought Ernie was here, and he’s cool with this. Sometimes he even fixes it so some of us don’t get sold as quick and we get to stick around for a while,” an apple said rolling over to my side.
“I got it apple, you vegetables can count on me. I…”
The apple interrupted, “Vegetables? Vegetables? Hey kid, we ain’t all vegetables, ya know. Some of us are fruits, and we don’t appreciate being all grouped together. Got it?”
He was really upset. So, I went over to him and gently picked him up. “Got it apple, you fruits and vegetables don’t have anything to worry about with me. I got your backs, err, fronts, sides, I got whatever it is of yours you have. Promise,” I said loudly so all of the produce could hear me.
They all cheered, except for the grumpy pepper.
“What’s wrong?” I asked him.
“You came in a little late. My sweet pepper was sold this morning. I’ll never see her again," he said sadly looking down.
“Sweet pepper? Was she yellow?” I asked.
“How did you know that?” he whimpered.
“I bought her this morning and was going to have her for lunch, but…” I started to explain.
“What!? You were going to have her for lunch? And you tell us that? What’s wrong with you kid?” grumpy pepper yelled.
I ran to the back of the store, and quickly came back out. I was holding the yellow sweet pepper.
“I didn’t eat her. Look, she’s fine,” I said holding her out to grumpy.
“Sweet pepper…" he sighed, and they snuggled, as much as peppers without arms and legs could, but they were together.
“In fact, I know I will never eat a fruit or vegetable again,” I announced and they all cheered.
From that night on, for the next five years I worked at that store, I insisted to be the one who locked up every night.
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August 25, 2021 at 12:08PM
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Don't call a fruit a vegetable! - Kern Valley Sun
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